Life Choices Suck

For the past several months I've had the plan to move to a little town in eastern Washington, named East Wenatchee, this summer. I hadn't really given it much thought on what I would do if that plan fell through until recently. At first I didn't give it much thought because that's what I really wanted to do, but then after the fact I was moving there became second nature I just didn't think that I needed another plan.

Well, last Thursday I was talking to my best friend Amanda, from East Wenatchee, about moving in with her and her family in the home they're building at the moment. Her father, who I've known my whole life so he's like a father to me too, has had second thoughts about me moving in with them. Actually I should be truthful; he never really had thoughts of me moving in, only everyone else has, including his wife. His problem is that he’s been stressed out with his small business and doesn't want to think about having another schedule, my schedule, to revolve around. I think he doesn't realize that he wouldn't have to revolve around me. If I were to move in with them I would do my own thing. The problem with Conrad is that he's only known me as a child and a teenager, never as an adult. I don't think he can comprehend me as an adult. If he did, then he wouldn't have a problem with me because he would realize that I can more mature then his own daughters at times. I would never allow red necks to come into his house and tear it apart like his daughters have. That's just not me.

Well now I'm left with an undecided plan on moving to E. Wenatchee instead of a rock-solid plan. Once I worked it out in my head I realized I had so many other choices then just moving to E. Wenatchee. My choices are as following:

A. I could stay at home and finish out my AA at Highline C.C. Once I'm done with that I would have time to just work or travel until registering for CWU’s distant learning program for a teacher degree at Highline. This would leave me at home with my parents for at least three more years-not something that makes me jump up for joy.

B. I could again stay home finish out my AA at Highline C.C. After that, save money up at a job, then get an apartment with a friend while doing the teaching program at Highline. The only thing with that is I would have to have a friend that had enough money to share an apartment with.

C. I could move down to Portland where my sister lives and have no idea what to do with myself down there. I know WSU has a distant learning program for teachers in Vancouver, but I feel it's not the same, as if I were to do it here. Here I have my mom's support, who is a teacher and could help me with references and I know a professor personally from CWU. Don teaches a class that I would have to take and he's like a crazy uncle to me. On the other hand Portland would challenge me mentally. It could be a learning process. Not planning my future and just living day to day not knowing what the next one has in store for me could challenge me in so many ways.

This could be one of the biggest decisions I ever make in my life. I don't want to mess it up. When I knew I was going to move to E. Wenatchee, I had it made. Nothing about the idea of moving there sacred me, I was comfortable about the idea. Everything about it was predictable. Now, I'm scared though. There's something about not knowing what I'm going to do with my life that scares me. Whatever I deicide to do, I have to decide by the end of June when I walk to get my high school diploma. I'm surprised I haven't shit my pants by now with how scared I am (a little laugh for the people that know me with that cuss word).

Some people would be happy about all the choices that I have, but I would of much preferred to have that one plan then several. Life choices SUCK!!